Match Reports

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Definition of "Maladroits"

Not adroit; clumsy; inept; awkward.



Badgers locked out and polished off...

Newly engaged Phil Norman-Butler reporting

  • v Badgers XI
  • Sheen Park
  • Sunday August 17th
  • won by 3 wickets


Badgers CC 180 all out, Maladroits 181 for 3
"It's like watching the marathon" commented Mike Brenner, as the Maladroit athletes began to arrive in dribs and drabs on a warm Sunday afternoon at Sheen Park, and he should know having watched the Olympics well into the early hours of the morning.  Indeed it was a good turn out for the Maladroits with nine of the players present by the time play began, even if they only has 8 pairs of shoes between them.
Despite uneven numbers this didn't seem to matter too much as the Badgers drank beer in the shade, blinking in the sunlight.
The wicket was still damp for showers the previous evening offering the bowlers a good chance for both swing and spitting bounce.  With nearly all of the team present, skipper Boozer won the toss and elected to field.  This, amazingly, was seized upon by both openers (Phil NB 3 for 8 off 7, and Phil Christie 1 for 29 off 6) who bowled a mean line and were rewarded with two sharply taken catches in the slips from the ever attentive Bowes.  "Its from being an opening bat", commented Bowes as he casually combed his hair, "Concentration is the name of the game, you've either got it or you haven't...". 
After such a good start the Maladroits were pumped up, not only as wickets continued to fall, but also as their numbers swelled after the arrival of Rodgers (late due to teas, traffic) and Ryder (  ). 
Ryder was put promptly on to bowl where he built up a good head of steam before finally seeing his efforts rewarded via a smart catch from Lock in the covers (2 for 18).  Lock himself, by now clearly having the game of his life, came onto bowl and struck with his first delivery (a double bouncing dam buster) prompting wild scenes from the Maladroit faithful (1 for 14). 
With Ed de Vere, the Badgers key man, now making his way back to the pavilion the flood gates were open and Jamo and Mike came onto clean up.  Using the favourable swing conditions well, Mike dusted up one side of the ball and kept the other well polish ed, whilst Jamo provided a probing display of flight and guile from the Titmuss end (2 for 44). 
As the Badgers holed out some good deliveries and countered others with sublime shots, the Maladroits maintained their grip on the game with energetic fielding.  Jamo was agile in the field getting down low to numerous stops, Boozer proved faultless behind the stumps.  JC marshalled the boundary capably while Mike's commitment in the deep even earnt him a injury.  Scouse was a constant presence in the field despite having to be pulled up for spending half the afternoon sitting on a bench sucking Worthers Originals.
With Bowsey and Boozer delivering webs of spin, the Maladroits reduced the Badgers to 180 all out with a few overs to spare, after Rod had taken a stinger in the ring, Ryder ha managed W,W,W (wicket, wicket, wide) and Mike had spilled a sitter.  "I felt a little war sore after that injury" the great man confessed after the game. "I need a magnars to sort my head out."
With beer not readily available the Maladroits settled for tea.  The spread was a luxurious combination of home made sanis, choice Kipling cakes and Haribo, which together culminated in an impressive score of 7.5/10.  This is a very respectable total, although for future reference its worth noting that home baking would have merited Rod and Phil an 8 or above. 
Chasing 181 to win Rod and Lock put their tea to work, creaming runs from the middle on a quickly drying pitch.  Looking settled on 10 Rod then left a wide one which cut in dramatically to skittle the young mans castle.  Bowes then went to the wicket and having helpfully given the new batsmen a conundrum to consider whilst batting; "What do penguins eat?", knowing that "Mr Concentration" was in command, most of the Maladroit spectators departed for the tea room to demolish anything that was left.
What happened next is a matter of opinion.  One thing is for sure, Bowes didn't have to puzzle that conundrum long. The lead umpire said it was straight in line, the leg umpire said it wasn't too high, the entire fielding team went up as one "Howzaaat!!?".  "Plum, you're out" said Ryder, turning his back to hide a wry smile as Bowsey stood shocked on the spot.  Maladroit management look forward to the umpires match report to determine if his apparent "shock" is deemed to have constituted dissent.
As Bowsey returned to the dressing room (0), to presumably go through his innings with a fine tooth comb, the sensitive squad chanted "Ice-burgers, Ice-burgers" at him, very much to the gutted batsman's added confusion.  Replacing him, Bealo took to the cause before falling just before the hundred was up on 28, again leaving a brilliant ball from Ed de Vere which dragged back from outside off to knock middle stump. 
With 100 to win the MCC still needed a big performance and it was just as well that skipper Boozer was next in.  With the Lock clammed up in the 40's the team held its breath.  Watching a nervous Lock those there said it was like watching Harmason approaching his maiden test 50.  Others, that it was "like your mother-in-law" - he was up there but you knew he shouldn't be.
Locky cracked one more sublime late cut over mid off for 4 to collect his fifty, and a few balls later Boozer matched him with a bolted single.  The two players played magnificently for their respective scores and in doing so capped a memorable performance for the Maladroits who bowled, batted and fielded with great agility. 


Ed Lock- 1 wicket, 1 catch and carrying bat for 64*
Ed Ryder- late and wide on a hat-trick ball
Scouse, a virtuoso performance of ducking, diving and domination in the field.

Brewer- 69*

Norman-Butler- 3 for 8 off 7

Bowes- 2 slip catches

TEAS 7.5 for Rod and Bealo