Match Reports

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Definition of "Maladroits"

Not adroit; clumsy; inept; awkward.



Etonion skullduggery cheats Maladroits of worthy victory...

Mikey Brenner reporting

  • v Chairmans XI
  • Wandsworth Common
  • Tuesday 15th July
  • lost by 1 wicket


Maladroits 148 for 8, 149 for 9


A sun drenched Wandsworth Common was the venue for the Maladroits first 20/20 of the season against the Chairman’s XI. After winning the toss Phil NB decided that we would bat, opening up with Bowsey and Wescott with the hope that they would drum up a big score, fast. Wescott started ferociously with two 4’s but lost his wicket cheaply when he was clean bowled, bringing a very sweaty Gumbo to the crease. Bowsey started to show his class with a number of fine boundaries, and Gumbo kept the score ticking over with some pinch hitting and rapid running between the wickets until the bead got the better of him and he was bowled for 11.


JC and Bowsey then pushed the scoring rate up to an impressive 8 an over with some flashing drives and excellent running between the wickets until Bowsey was caught on 23, bringing the skipper Phil NB to the crease. The banter and heckling from the opposition increased markedly but it was like water off a ducks back as Phil swatted their bowlers with total distain to five fours and a few singles before his forced retirement at 28. JC reached his automatic retirement after 27 in the next over and that’s where the problems started as the soft underbelly of the Maladroit batting was exposed. Ivo was bowled for 5, Matt went for a golden duck and Lock fortunately held out to stop their skipper from claiming a hatrick. Jamo took a nasty blow to the nuts, (excellently captured on camera by Phil NB) that must have affected his running and decision making as he ran out Lock later that over. The run rate then went to pieces as Brenner and Jamo spent 3 overs swinging and missing against some serious dross bowling, until a clearly ruffled Jamo was clean bowled for 7.  Brenner hung around for a another over swishing and missing before he stepped on his wicket and went for 1 (3rd time in Maladroit history must be some sort of record!?!) whilst at the other end Moore displayed his fine range of tennis shots including a large 6 over mid off. JC came back in and slogged with Moore 16 off the last two overs to end our innings on 148 for 8 ... a tricky total to defend with our limited bowling line up.


Fielding second was definitely a great captains decision as the sun had disappeared behind the trees providing the Maladroits with no excuses for the poor fielding and dropped catches that had plagued the opposition. Our opening two bowlers Wescott and Matt had to weather the storm as their opening batsman slogged 27 off 4 overs before retiring, not helped by some comedy fielding by Brenner and Lock (Brenner kicking the ball, nut-megging Lock and sending it flying towards the boundary for 3). Moore then steamed in to take two quick wickets with a spell of accurate shuffling with Wescott picking up the other opener before the dreaded Maladroit spin attack came to the fore. Ivo managed to snare two wickets in his first over with some magnificent off spin to leave the Chairman’s XI struggling on 52 for 5. The wheels came off as some loose overs by the comedy duo Brenner and Lock made a game of it as 29 runs were added in 3 overs and Phil NB managed to forget how to catch as he dropped a sitter at mid off. Jamo had an expensive first over not helped by a difficult drop number 2 from Phil NB, but made amends with a wicket in the next over after a fine catch by Moore sprinting in from the boundary. At this stage the Maladroits had to tighten up the bowling so Phil NB came in and bowled 2 excellent overs of swing, going for only 6 runs with Moore supporting strongly at the other end. With 4 overs to go and only 24 needed the Maladroits were caught in the horns of a dilemma ... get three more wickets and the opening batsman would come back in and most likely slog his team to victory or keep it tight and limit the runs ... this can only explain Phil NB’s 3rd drop of the day in the next over. Two excellent tight overs by Bowsey resulted in the prized wicket of the dangerous tail ender and a final over from Phil NB (where his faltering fitness led to 2 slower balls) left the game precariously balanced at 13 needed off the last over. JC was pulled off the boundary to close the game out but with his dodgy back he couldn’t bowl his usual medium pace and had to revert to lazy spin. The two batsmen were up against some excellent Maladroit fielding, and with boundaries hard to come by they were forced to run at every opportunity, pinching a couple of risky singles as the ball sailed through to Gumbo at wicket keeper ... they paid for this two balls later with an excellent run out by Gumbo. JC bowled a few wides to compound the pressure to leave 8 runs needed off 3 balls.


Scandals are something the Maladroits deal in regularly, but typically they happen off the cricket pitch such as Barbados with Scouse and Cheryl, Menorca with Dom, clothes pegs and Bowsey’s face ... however this time we were dealt one on the pitch with some unsavoury scoring.


3 balls to go, 8 runs needed -  JC bowls, batsman swings and misses, taken cleanly by Gumbo at wicket keeper ... batsmen take a single with some good running.

2 balls to go, 7 runs needed – JC gets slogged for 4 ... fu&k!!!

1 ball to go, 3 runs needed ... but no, suddenly we have calls from the touch line saying they only need one run off the last ball – bemused Maladroits everywhere!?!?! A few what the fu&ks later, JC steps up to bowl, the batsman has one thing on his mind, barely even plays a shot and sprints off ... to collect the final run.


I can’t even bring myself to say winning run as after consultation with our WAG delegation who were listening nearby on the touchline, they concurred that potential skulduggery had occurred.


Whilst the cricket match ended under dark clouds, these were suddenly lifted by the phenomenal match tea that Phil had laid on at the County Arms - chicken wings, nuggets, cocktail sausages and mini roasted jacket potatoes with excellent sweet and sour sauce and tomatoes dips and a fantastic selection of sandwiches washed down with jugs of beer – a 10/10 effort. All in all a great evening, not quite the right result, and some excellent practise for the next 20/20 on the 27th July.


JC (Big runs)
Bealo (for dropped catches)
Dom (for a spectacular driving catch on the boundary)
JC- 35*, Bealo- 28*, Dom- 2 for 11