Match Reports

themed image

Definition of "Maladroits"

Not adroit; clumsy; inept; awkward.



Suckling and Nicholson shine to inspire a first win over Sheen...

Chad Billington reports...

  • v Sheen
  • Sheen Park
  • Sunday 14th September
  • won by 6 wickets


Sheen 161 all out , Maladroits 166 for 4


A beautiful sunny day, the final game of the season and the promise of a competition winning match tea, things were looking good for a perfect day of cricket.  After losing the toss, Boozer informed us that we were heading for the field, with only 9 players to the opposition’s 8. Our tenth turned up as play began but there was no sign of Drovers import Hillsy.


The opening combination of Ryder(4 overs for 11 runs) and Newman(7 over for 42) started well in containing the Sheen openers but failed to produce any wickets.  The first change brought on Chad(4 overs, 2 wickets for 17 runs) and Ed Suckling (8 overs, 1 for 33). A quick slip catch by Ryder got us off the mark and the second wicket, a catch by Tim Nicholson meant the openers were off and some very tidy spin bowling by Suckling sent the bails flying and ensured him man of the match.


Eventually on the horizon a distant figure appeared.  Slightly flushed, from fighting the Richmond traffic Jonathan Hill (1 for 22 off 4) made it onto the pitch a mere hour and a half late. 

With a full complement of players we finally took control and the wickets fell steadily with Brenner (2 for 20 off 4) and Rodgers (2 for 8 off 3) picking up some tidy wickets. The re-emergence of Newman’s bowling was comical, firstly due to the fact he smelt of dog shit having trodden in it and held up the game while he pried it from his boots and secondly as he sent a delivery straight into the ground, headed for deep gully, a truly Maladroit ball.

Brewer (2 for 1 off 3) decided to come on and share in the glory and in true captaincy style showed us what a true all rounder he really is. (any chance of moving up the batting order skipper?)


Special mention should be made of Mike Brenner’s inept football attempts at stopping a ball, merely lifting his foot out of the way to let it roll to the boundary.


East Sheen’s all out for 161 and it was time for tea.


The spread consisted of a range of homemade sandwiches and rolls, the ultimate being brie, bacon and tomato chutney, followed by pork pies, chocolate centipede cake, an array of biscuits, nuts and crisps, followed by the prerequisite  Haribos.  All in all an excellent feast fetching a 9.5 out of ten on the Blofeld tea scale.


As Sheen took to the field Carrington (51* retired) and Nicholson (51* retired) put on a great display and we were quickly well within reach of the low target. As Carrington retired the Maladroit mid order collapse ensued with Retter (1), Hill (0), Rogers (10) and Billington (0 Golden) all falling in quick succession. It should be noted that although Hill was triggered by Billington, it was plainly out and it is not befitting for a batsman to stand in his crease complaining (although there is a chance he may have reversed the decision so it wasn’t  such a bad idea).


Billington’s huge swing and miss on his first ball, combined with the triggering, lead to the Dork of the day award.


It was up to Brewer (24 not out) and Ryder (23 not out) to knock of the final runs and in a truly unlikely fashion Brewer hit a six to win it.  A fitting end to a successful Maladroit season.


Ed Sucklilng (economical bowling) and Tim Nicholson (explosive batting)
Ed Ryder
TEAS 9.5/ 10 (Mike and Boozer)- only missed out on full marks due to a lack of baked cakes...

Mike Brenner, Rod and Boozer- 2 wickets

Carrington 51*, Nicholson 51*