Match Reports

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Definition of "Maladroits"

Not adroit; clumsy; inept; awkward.



Catches win matches- is that why we lost so many in the past?...


Richard "Twisty" Newman reporting

  • v Ebernoe
  • at Ebernoe, West Sussex
  • Saturday 18th August
  • Won by 4 wickets


Ebernoe 110 all out, Maladroits 114 for 6

The day started in civilized fashion with lunch cooked by world renowned bbq chef Trevor Moore and washed down with a couple of glasses of vintage Trevor Moore.


The Maladroits arrived with just enough time to consider whether rugby boots (“Sevens” to be specific) were acceptable and to drop a few practice catches.


Captain for the day Mr Moore lost the toss and the Maladroits were put in to bat. Usual captain C.Brewer so disgusted by this was unable to control himself and from this point on took over the captaincy.


The Captain C.Brewer asked his opening bowlers for some of the short stuff and they were only too happy to oblige. Newman opened from the pavilion end and quickly got into his rhythm of short and wide toppling the top three batsman. Moore channeling his aggression after the recent loss of his sun flower “Daisy” was as ever full of spirit but not rewarded for his hard work.


The first change introduced Ryder and Bobby who after much talk of bowling in tandem went about their work. Ryder immediately found his rhythm with a good line and length that would have been perfect for a right hander. However due to years of village inbreeding right handers were in short supply as one lefty followed another. As Ryder went about his work Bobby sent down a few testers forcing C.Brewer to spread his field. Remarkably Bobby got to take home two wickets and Ryder just the one.


As the wickets tumbled and Gary got excited about being in the pub by 3:30 Brewer became possessed by the ghost of the Maladroits old captain and fouder CBN and decided to let Ebernoe back in the game.


Brenner, Gaisfor and Rettern turned the arm and took home a wicket each whilst Hogan drew a blank for the second day in a row.


The fielding was varied with JC dropping a sitter whilst Ryder and Newman pulled off dives which would have surely impressed Tom Daley. That said 9 catches were held (3 by Mark) and a rather cruel run out meant spirits were high in the field.


With 115 needed to win the run chase got of to a slow start with Hogan spending a long time in the middle but without making much progress (déjà vu?). A run rate of one per over and heavy rain meant attention drifted to the Sunday papers and the mystery of the vanishing scorer.


Gaisford attempted to pick up the run rate but had to settle for a duck. Things finally got a move on as Moore hit a huge six out of the park and not to be out done Retter put one into the car park on his way to a top score of 39.


Ryder and JC bought the Maladroits home taking their win loss ratio to a positive 5 and 4.



Match Summary


Ash Retter

Fielder of the Day

Mark Bowden


Ed Ryder- Good hangtime but embarrasing drop



Drops Ryder, Carrington

Notable Performances

Tricky 3 wickets

Quote of the Day

"That's not how you pronounce your team name..." Chris Hogan, giving a lesson in the intricacies of the French influence on Maladroit.