Match Reports

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Definition of "Maladroits"

Not adroit; clumsy; inept; awkward.



Sublime Wezza innings sees Maladroits home...


Charlie Brewer reporting

  • v Battersea Ironsides
  • at Cottenham Park, Wimbledon
  • Sunday 5th July
  • Maladroits won by 8 wickets


Battersea Ironsides 182, Maldrois 184 for 2

Any match report for Sundays game should probably start in the Pitcher & Piano on Northcote Road at 2pm on Saturday. Undercover hacks are still trying to ascertain exactly what Mushtaq “Loose Cannon” Moore, the host of the first “social” of the year was drinking prior to hosting everyone at his house.


Although helped by Ed Ryder’s non selection for the game, the biggest surprise was that 11 Maladroits were ready and waiting before the opposition had arrived at the pitch.


Continuing his unsuccessful form with the coin, Brewer lost the toss and to Maladroit aghast we were put into the field. Bobby “in swing” Nelson and Dom “away swing on sunflowers” Moore opened the bowling and decent deliveries showed up an inadequate Ironsides Top order. Both took wickets and Charlie Hanbury continued the tight line and length to collectively reduce the Ironsiders to 50 for 5.


Parsons, Curr and Brenner all bowled some tight overs and it was only the Ironsides number 7 and 8 that offered any sort of resistance- possibly taking a leaf from the Maladroits school of batting orders to field some quality down the order. The two older players batted out the final 18 overs of the innings in a 120 run partnership. Nothing the Maladroits could throw at these two could dislodge them (even Iwan “Thomas” Westcott struggled to tie them down) as the run rate accelerated and the fielding gaps appeared larger and the level of some hangovers (Mikey!) more noticeable..


At the changeover the Maladroits were treated to a reasonable tea from the oppo which would have scored a low 2:2 on the Maladroit Richter Scale…


The new boy, Charlie BN and Bobby opened up the Maladroit reply and looked solid against some tidy bowling from the Ironside Youngsters. Bobby was unlucky to go LBW (or was it caught behind Charlie Hanbury?). Charlie BN, for a man who couldn’t buy a run for other clubs, looked in fine form with some classic slaps over the bowlers head but fell for 28 when looking well set. This brought Phil Westcott at 3 to the crease and from the first ball Phil dominated the bowling and cracked an imperious 92* to win the game for the Maladroits, that could have gone either way. Phil was bashed the Ironsides fielders all around the ground but possibly the biggest victim was the Springer Spaniel who was hit full on on the square leg boundary by one of Phils slog sweeps- the ball stopped dead, the dog yelped, the dogs owner cried and Phil and Boozer took a single..


Phil was ably supported by Brewer who, though lacking in talent made up for it in application and finished on 35*. Special mention must go to Chris, on his debut, who at number 5, waited 1 ½ hours as next man in but didn’t get to chance his batting against the Ironsides- I guess, a good sign of a clinical Maladroits victory.



Match Summary


Phil Westcott

Fielder of the Day

Charlie BN


Dom Moore (took down more sunflowers than oppo batsmen)


Oppo produced- satisfactory but nothing on Maladroit teas

Notable Performances

Brewer 35*, Good bowling from Moore, Hanbury and Parsons

Quote of the Day

"Mikey, wake up, the balls coming your way.."