Match Reports

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Definition of "Maladroits"

Not adroit; clumsy; inept; awkward.



Calamatous first three balls of "drop", "drop", "six, smashing into a car" start the game off in comedy fashion...




Edward Bowes reporting....

  • v Wisborough Green CC
  • Wisborough Green
  • Sunday September 6th
  • Maladroits lost by 48 runs

Wisborough Green 239, Maladroits 191 all out


Maladroits were up against from the off as a team of only 9 was further weakened by a number of sore heads following a successful engagement drinks the night before. Captain Bowes lost the toss and were put into the field on a pleasant afternoon in God’s own county, West Sussex.


What followed was a comical first over. A peach of a first ball from Ryder, opening the bowling from the Road End, induced a nick from the Wisborough Green opener only for Boozer to spill the chance. The rest of the over contained another dropped catch (debateable) from Ash at backward point plus a massive six over cow corner that landed flush onto the bonnet of a 1982 Peugeot 205 convertible. As soon as the ball landed out stepped ‘Bonnet Man’, a Santa Claus in combat trousers, who proceeded to follow Bobby around demanding insurance details.


Having both survived first over mistakes the Wisborough Green openers started to tick the score along and both Newman and Ryder went for a few runs, the run rate edging up to 7 or 8 an over quite early on. A change of bowling from both ends after 8 overs, with the Bowes brothers trying their hand with various left arm varieties, shored up the run rate a little but Wisborough Green were on course for a massive score. Matt Bowes bowled his seven overs straight through and bowled tidily, getting 1-37 including the wicket of the most dangerous batsman. Carrington and Billington came on and bowled ok but it wasn’t until the introduction of Retter and Lees that the run rate starting coming under control as they both bowled with good control, Lees picking up 2-14 (somewhat making up for two dropped catches). Having managed to get the run rate back to a manageable level and sensing that we might be able to chase these runs down the captain brought back our gun bowlers, Ryder and Newman, for the last three overs of their innings. These three overs promptly went for about 40 runs and the final Wisborough Green total seemed worryingly large.


A proper village tea was then consumed before the Maladroit’s openers of Retter and Carrington went out to bat hoping for a solid start. Carrington was soon clean bowled for 2, in the 3 rd over, bringing Ryder to the crease. Retter proceeded to play some lovely strokes, particularly a couple of straight drives back over the bowlers head. Ryder didn’t hang around long though, nicking a short wide one to the keeper for 5. Maladroits were in a bit of trouble at 20-2 but Brewer marched to the wicket with intent. Retter and Brewer put on quite a few before Retter was bowled attempting another lusty blow. Bowes came in and along with Brewer managed to get the total up to a point where victory was still possible. Alas, the wickets of Bowes and soon after Lees meant that the run rate was spiralling out of control and victory seemed more and more unlikely. Brewer tired valiantly until he was caught in the covers trying to force the rate, out for a good looking 53.


Things weren’t looking good for Maladroits but on a small ground everything was possible. Billington proceeded to smash a couple of bit hits but the slightly ajar door was firmly slammed shut when he was caught on the boundary from a stunning one-handed catch. This meant Newman was last man in, with another 60 runs needed. Clearly, no-one had any expectations from the man that makes Peter Such look like Donald Bradman and he was quickly run-out for 0.


A fun game of cricket but Maladroit’s were never really at the party and victory was unlikely after Wisborough Green got off to such a good start with the bat. Some good cricket was played in the attempt to win but I think it was fair to say we were outplayed in most areas. Still, meeting ‘Bonnet Man’ made it all worth it.


Match Summary


Boozer (self nominated) 53 and 2 catches

Fielder of the Day

Bonnet Man


Boozer- dropping the opening bat on the first ball of the match (he went on to get 60). Closely followed by Ash for dropping a catch on the 2nd ball of the match..

Champagne Moment

Bonnet Mans outrage at having his bonnet smashed at cow corner from a huge six off Ryders bowling in the first over of the match (an eventful over)